my day at the mall

As i stepped in, i took one look at my sandals, twice repaired, skin peeling, with threads showing like the unkempt hair of a balding old man and muttered "Shit! Even the guard seems to be dressed more decently!"

Welcome to the mall.

I've been to malls before in metros (not on my own, though. just tagging along a friend or so.) but i never really got used to "mall culture". Back in my home town, entering its newest hangout and first mall, I sneaked in, trying to hide the faded, crumpled "VenkataDurga Matching Center" polythene cover behind me.My sense of triumph barely lasted two seconds before the guard came running after me shouting at the top of his voice "Madam!! Inside bag no! Inside bag no!"
"Oh!" I said, handing it over,while looking amused, half trying to cover it with my dupatta. "Just like me to forget! Ah-hah..!" I glanced around furtively, fidgeting with the coupon but no one was watching anymore. Just another of those uncool, unsophisticated new-to-the-city girl, they must've thought. Humph! As if I cared!

The inside of a shopping mall is a shopaholic's seventh heaven. You can never get tired of going through the exquisite, not to mention, the exorbitantly priced goods on display, even after the salesgirl following you loses all interest, as she eventually realizes your humble intentions. Even if you do, you can still spend plenty of time drooling over the smart guys among other shoppers, wondering why you've never seen even one anywhere in town before.

So, once I was inside, i tried to look the part by holding my head high and showing-what I assumed, was- attitude.

I walked briskly towards one corner and start busily fingering through some Abercrombie shirts. After many minutes, when there was no fabric untouched and no hanger misplaced, I ambled towards the center of the room and, slumping onto the couch, I opened my cellphone, making sure the guy siting beside me noticed that it was a new and costly model.
For a long while I was engrossed in pretending to be replying to messages, when I slowly became conscious of an itching sensation in my back. Without making it seem too awkward, i tried scratch the spot but it was out of my reach. I contemplated using the flip edge of my phone. On second thoughts, decided to save me my left over dignity.
So I made my way across the room to a huge line of clothing and disappeared behind it. Okay, you can breathe now- I told myself, leaning against the wall. Wait a minute, this wall is textured! Without wasting a moment I rubbed my back against the wall, moving from side to side, in blissful relief. When I opened my eyes, to my horror, I discovered a sales guy giving me a look that can only be described as a mixture of funny, weird and suspicious. I didn't even want to start imagining what my gestures must have remotely resembled. "Er... how much for this pair?" I asked him, grabbing the nearest jeans. "This is the gents section," he said, taking it from my hands. So? I could be a female customer who likes wearing men's clothing.
"I know that. Its for my cousin's stepfather's adopted son. You mind?"
"7999 rupees."
"7999 rupees....!?"(trying not to gasp)
"7999 rupees."
"Ahem.... Mmmhmmm..."
I made my way to another row and there he was again, following me like I was some naughty child, expected to do some mischief any moment. Or a convict out of jail on probation. Or maybe he thought I was a criminal, just out of jail, convicted of shoplifting and harassing poor salesmen.
Leave me alone you stalker! I wanted to yell at him. But I had had enough. Before I could make a total fool of myself, I started for the exit. Oh, but wasn't over yet.
"You wont take ?" he stopped me.
what happened to the word madam, you ill mannered buffalo!
"Er..I ll come back later."
He smiled. That irritating I-knew -it-all-along smug smile that makes you feel like punching him in the face and running away before he can catch you again!

I made straight for the swinging doors and hailed the first auto I set my eyes on. As i was getting into the auto, I heard somebody shouting. Imagine my consternation when I turned and saw that it was the guard again, wildly swinging my multicolored bag while running towards me again, this time shouting- "Bag madam! Bag madam!" Oh! For the love of heaven!! Did his job include chasing innocent customers like me?
"Just drive! " I ordered the driver.
"Edo coupon ani arustunnadu andi!" he said.
"Mannalni kaadu, nuvvvu poni."

Clutching my souvenir, I went home...

Sometimes after that, I wondered, what the guard did with the contents of my bag which included two aluminium ladles and the broken blade of my mixer grinder that I had intended to get rid of.
I just hope he didn't gorge on the packet of Mrraaww!, my pet cat's favourite food.